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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Fish of the Day…so far

August 19, 2011 Leave a comment

This showed up in my inbox…

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Oh no!  Says I… a speeding ticket…it says!

Wait, says I… it’s for freaking New York…  Time to break it down…

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Ok first the top, not State Seal or nothing…States pay a lot of money for their seal…  It’s on freaking everything…

Hmmmm…there must be more…

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NYS V AND T LAW – I assume, and it’s a big ASS U ME, that this is supposed to stand for New York State Vehicle and Traffic Law….

SPEED OVER 55 ZONE?  Say what?  This is like too plain English for a state agency to spit out.  I mean, something like…  wait….  don’t want to give the bad guys here too many hints.  They are pretty freaking ignorant but…

TO PLEAD….PO BOX… <- what?  Like this goes to the county clerk and no self respecting clerk would ever allow such an incomplete or partial address…

 

It seems that the IOP (idiots of phish) must be running out of translators and seem to think that by simply mass mailing this sheeet that some unsuspecting soul will click on the attachment…  That will be one of two people…

a) Some frightened soul that lives in fear of the gov’ment and gov’ment reprisal

b) Some “guilty” so and so who really did speed in a 55 mph zone in a photo radar state

c) all of the above…

Windows is saving the backup… and other such noise

July 8, 2011 Leave a comment

Back up, Moi? You jest…

I love it when a friend or relative buys a backup drive and expects it to magically work.  Granted eSATA, Firewire and USB [the next generation] are a whole lot faster than 5 1/4” floppies.  But back in the day when 5 1/4” were the format of choice, you were backing up 20 megs or so.  It took hours but once it was done…  now, it still takes hours and about the same number of blue ray disks.  Only we’re talking gigs and even terabytes of data.  So, when your user asks you how long it will take, just say hours and roll your eyes.  When they ask why?  Ask them how long it would take to empty Lake Mead if all the gates were open on Hoover Dam.  It would take a while, right?  Then ask them to picture their data stored on the computer as Lake Mead and the cable running to the drive is Hoover Dam.  They should get the picture.  Sure, you could go on and give them bit rates, drive speed, spindles and all.  Ya, you could do that.  Even give them a pretty close time frame.  Why?  Beyond five minutes you’ve lost them.

He phone, She phone, we’ve all got ice phone…

Mixed childhood sayings are about as clear cut as phone choice today.   Don’t misunderstand, I love my new phone.  It does cool things but, and there’s always one isn’t there, phones are taking over lives.  I truly dread the near future where cars drive themselves and video calling is the norm.  Frankly, I don’t want my memory of how a person looked confused with how they really look.  I mean, in my mind, I still look like I did in High School.  Come on, there’s gotta be one person in High School that was totally hot.  Trust me, keep the memory safe and don’t open an account on Facebook…  Back to phones and video calls…  I can see it now, the “Darwin video of the week award goes to…Fred and Ed”  Not only was Fred video phoning while driving, he ran over the Ed.   Ed was video calling while walking.  Fred after hitting Ed, drove into a truck that took off his head.  Now Fred and Ed are Dead.  But hey, look out, self driving cars are coming…but if they are self driving are they self honking?

Now creating the system repair disk…

Yes, I am working on this while my ‘puter does its thing.  Sometimes it pays to let the mind wander…  Other times, the mind wanders and it’s tough to get it back.  Dogs do that.  Wander off looking ‘round and the next thing you know, they’re in the next town or the dog pound.

Tablet pc’s…will they last?

This time around with better technology, the tablets certainly have a running start.  As long as they provide the means for individualism.  Huh?  Inda what?  Self sacrifice for the greater good really isn’t the American model.  Could you imagine our government asking us to wear adult diapers to an event like the Chinese did for the Olympics?  Heck no, I think the collective response would be “bring on the honey buckets!”.  Ok, that was quite the segue way.  Back to tablet pc’s…  That success will be determined by speed, the close to desktop the better, and by application diversity.  Make it convenient like a debit card and you’ll get adoption.  Believe or not, at one time it looked doubtful that folks would adapt to the debit card.  Now?  But individualism, why?  I could go on about document types…  A tablet has to be useful and functional.  Then it needs to entertain.

Useful and functional – what does that mean?

Storage – it’ll need a way to store away stuff and retrieve that same stuff quickly.  Technology for memory chips seems to have solved that.  Add in a smart algorithm that uploads less accessed material to a cloud location and you’re probably good to go.  The alternative would be that the cloud location offers all that is needed (word processor, spreadsheet tools, etc.) and storage.

Functional – online tools already mentioned or installed tools need to be portable but are not locked into a particular proprietary format.  I should be able to open any word processor and read my document and (better yet) retain any fancy formatting.  Maybe it’s all stored in some version of HTML?

Entertainment?

That’s entertainment!  Well, this becomes trickier.  Sights and sounds that are appealing differ from person to person.  A device that does not maintain privacy… with the “P” word we’re back to adult diapers.  That same country that demanded its citizens wear diapers also strictly controls internet access.